One Year (in Melbourne)

It is amazing how much you learn each and every day, all of the small tiny seemingly insignificant lessons, those little moments that all seem to lead to you those big moments. You don't notice the changes at first, because they're so small & sometimes inconsistent, but slowly each day, bad habits drop away, new good habits form, we doubt ourselves less & find happiness in places that where there all along. 

This last year has been a series of small special moments, big wins, a few big dramas but most recently a new found sense of clarity & calm. As a self confessed control freak, I tend to hold everything so closely & tightly for fear of it all falling apart, a lot of the time I dont actually pause to just enjoy the good in the moments. So I was very surprised to find myself rather at ease with my recent resolve to start letting go & having more faith in the universe to send me what I needed, when I needed it, to trust in the moment, trust in the journey & know that whatever situation I was in, was exactly where I was meant to be. And i kid you not, the last few months have just been a series of 'get fucked' moments & laughing at the seemingly coincidental but perfect timing of things.

For the most part, this journey of growth, is fucking hard - sure there are days of pure bliss when you have complete and utter faith that your life is charmed & you will eventually get everything you ever wished for - but please, dont be fooled into thinking that its easy to maintain that blind faith. Trusting in a higher power, trusting that the universe actually has your back, keeping your vibration raised & your heart open takes an incredible amount of discipline & strength; i battle with myself almost daily. I have doubts every single day, but rather than squash them down or brush them aside, I try to listen to my heart & do my best to find a thread of strength & love and redirect my thoughts there. 

Moving to Melbourne has been the best thing that I ever did. Finding new friends, a new routine, a job, a blank page in theory was refreshing, in reality it was daunting AF. I had to realllyyyy reach deep to be brave & trust, for a while it seemed nothing would work out & I was just making an epic mess of everything. I was scrambling to keep it together & was so disappointed with myself! My finances where in tatters, my heart had been drop kicked into a brick wall & the company i was keeping was toxic & self serving. I cant tell you how I rolled out of it relatively unscathed, but like I said, it was small choices every day that eventually led me to the most epic time of my life. 

I decided at the beginning of this year that I was going to be more 'selfish', not in a negative way, but that this year I would do my best to focus on myself, continue to grow as a person and give myself the very best. The best friends, kind words, a safe environment, a stable home, a good working environment and i would remove all of the toxicity that I had been allowing to exist. No more drama. It has been fucking bliss. From the moment I made that decision, the universe has granted me everything I asked for, I couldnt be more happy or lucky, well lotto wouldnt go astray, but realistically, my heart bursts almost every day. 2018 so far has been epic. The way that I viewed this decision, was that by being selfish, i would be in a better position for others. My beautiful friends & family deserve the very best version of me. 

So here's to another lap around the sun & to my last year in my 20's, holy shit. Who knows what it will bring, but im quietly optimistic that this will be my best year yet 

xx